My perspective on impermanence

How to deal with endings

We all know the feeling. You went somewhere, had a great time, and now its time to leave. Queue heartbreak

In my opinion that is probably the hardest part about travelling: saying goodbye.

And as much as I like to pretend to be untouched by such things when I talk about my love for travel, the truth is a bit different.

Of course it hurts to leave something dear behind, be it the people I bonded with, the places I fell in love with or just the simple feeling of growing at ease in a space that was once unfamiliar.

I dont think that feeling will ever quite go away and really, I don’t want it to. Because what worth is there in something if it stops feeling precious? Why bother dealing with all the inconveniences and stress that come with travel, when you don’t feel an incentive to savour every moment? Doesn’t the knowledge of a nearing end make every step, every breath taken in a beloved location so much more memorable?

I think the challenge here is not “getting over it” because there is nothing to get over. Life is a series of big and small beginings and ends and our job is not to make that stop, because that would stop change alltogether.

Instead, I think we need to learn how to see it as just that: change. If we can’t stop resenting endings, we wont be able to open the doors that life presents us with and will miss many oppertunities for happiness, greatness or whatever it is you are aiming for.

Not that that is an easy thing to do. Having to cope with this feeling of loss is the whole reason I stopped updating this blog after all. But I didn’t want to stay away for good and I wanted to understand my sudden reluctance to continue something that brought me joy, so here is a part of my story in growing to accept ends:

When I went to Vietnam, it was my first time travelling alone, so I was a bit aprehensive. I planned for this to be a “test ride” to try out if I would like both traveling on my own and also doing so via workaway, which would open many opportunities for me.

Once I arrived though, I fell hard and I fell fast. I loved the independence and the freedom being on my own gave me, I adored being able to choose where to go without having to consider anyone elses opinions and preferences in how long to stay, what to do, or eat or… you get my point. I was having a great time.

Moreover I absolutely adored this new and foreign environment I dropped myself into, blooming under the dual challenge of suddelntly living with strangers and adapting to their routine and my new duties, as well as orienting myself in a city where I knew nothing and didn’t speak the language.

I think I lost a piece of my heart to this wonderful country and its people within the first week, no matter how overwhelmed I felt at that time. And as time moved on and I grew more comfortable, that piece only grew bigger.

And once I aclimated, got used to the trafic, and started getting a feel of where some tings were, I started feeling genuinely at home. I think I grew consciuos of that one afternoon while going to the nearby grocery store to buy some snacks. It was a bit of a bittersweet realization.

Because of course, at that point I had maybe 2 weeks left if that, so suddently the feeling of loss looming over me got that much heavier. I didn’t want to deal with or aknowledge it, so I pushed it away. As a side effect I lost all motivation to document my travels, since that would force me to think about something I didn’t want to.

Of course it all caught up to me in the end, as these things always do.

I spent my last night in Vietnam watching sad videos on Youtube to have an excuse to cry. Which I did, a lot.

I was still not feeling too great the next morning, which the English teacher at the kindergarden I was working at at the time realized immediatly. When I told her I was leaving back for Germany this evening, she, amazing woman that she is, immediately offered me a hug, which I accepted gladly.

Best part of that day honestly (or maybe tied with my coworkers taking me out to a goodbye dinner. That was such a sweet thing to do as well. The people I met where honestly incredible and I still feel humbled thinking about it.)

And then i was back. Walking familiar roads, falling back into old routines… and realizing some things:

1. Just because this adventure was over, did not mean that my life or my future were now less in any way.
2. There were many things to enjoy and love here too and that just because i didn’t want to stay, I din’t have to hate where I was at the moment.
3. There is a unique joy in seeing people you care about after a time without them, and realizing you are all changing and growing into different people, each with their own unique path, is incredibly beautifull.
4. I could always start something new.
5. I am excited for what the next day will bring.

And so I started to learn and re-learn how to make peace with the goodbyes and endings that where waiting for me in the future.

Understanding yourself

I have always loved the sea.

But it wasn’t until this current trip to Fuerteventura, that I really realized why.

For me, there is no feeling quite like sitting on an empty beach, where you hear nothing but the sounds of the ocean.

It’s as if you’re the last person on earth, or the first, or maybe the only one that matters. As if life comes as easily as the waves and love is everywhere. As if you breathe it in with every breath you take, unending.

As if everything is and always will be meaningless and nothing was ever more important. Nothing matters and time is irrelevant, because I only exist in this moment.

It’s so beautiful I could cry. I want to.

To cry and scream and hug the whole world laughing up to the skies.

I never want to look away, I want to run away and never think about it again.

I’ve never felt more alive.

Is it a bit poetizised? Perhaps. But it does at least covey a bit of what I felt in that moment.

Travelling forces you to spend time with yourself and come to grips with your own issues. You can’t run away from yourself as easily, because you need to be able to depend on yourself.

It can be terrifying, but at least for me, it’s an incredibly healthy thing, to confront my flaws and issues this way. Make your own choices!

Learning to compromise

Like having siblings, travelling can also be incredibly exhausting and frustrating, but will also teach you to share your world with others and how to deal with said frustrations.

Especially if you do it like I am currently doing, where I help out at someone elses home and sometimes even share a room with other people, something I haven’t done since I was a young child.

Of course there will be frictions, not all people are compatible, but often that can be resolved by accepting that people work differently from yourself, that that is not your fault (unless you did something intentionally) and setting boundaries that work for all involved parties and comunicating (!) (revolutionary I know. I should start life-coaching).

It also teaches you your limits, mentally emotionally amd physically, which for me is something necessary to know, to protect myself and be happy.

I am grateful for many things these days, and being on my own and travelling has helped me see the value of many of them .